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[accidental video]
Dec. 16th, 2012 03:27 am[Kaworu is curled into the fetal position, three feet off the ground in the middle of the room. Most of the furniture is currently pressed against the far wall, either splintering to pieces or grinding its way into the plaster, as the light ripples around it in a strange octagonal pattern. The phone is forgotten on the floor, beneath him and off to one side.
Kaworu is repeating the same thing, again and again.]
I don’t understand! I... I don’t understand.
Kaworu is repeating the same thing, again and again.]
I don’t understand! I... I don’t understand.
(no subject)
Mar. 6th, 2010 11:47 amPeople across the city seem to have been experiencing revelations and epiphanies, but as carefully as I have examined the last two days, nothing remarkable leaped to my attention.
I cannot seem to interpret this lack of insight as a source of profound insight, either.
I wonder why I was excluded?
I cannot seem to interpret this lack of insight as a source of profound insight, either.
I wonder why I was excluded?
Meno (reconsidered).
Mar. 1st, 2010 01:20 amThat was... unpleasant. Those wounds... made me imagine myself pinned to that wall, tested, sampled, turned against myself... the kind of tool that those old men would have made of me.
Perhaps such an experience ought to make me feel empathy for those I experimented on while my consciousness was altered earlier this month.
What kind of reaction is normal, in abnormal circumstances such as this?
Perhaps such an experience ought to make me feel empathy for those I experimented on while my consciousness was altered earlier this month.
What kind of reaction is normal, in abnormal circumstances such as this?
[audio post. In the background, pained weeping can be heard. Kaworu's voice as he dictates is very calm and clinical.]
The Prisoner's Dilemma is a classic philosophical problem. Two prisoners in separate rooms are asked to choose which of them is to suffer. If Prisoner A and Prisoner B each select themselves to suffer, they receive only mild cuts. If Prisoner A and Prisoner B each pick the same person - that is, A picks himself and B indicates A, or B picks herself and A indicates B, then the indicated prisoner is vivisected and the other goes free. If each prisoner indicates the other, both have a limb amputated - generally whichever appendage they display the most attachment to.
The psychological ramifications are fascinating.
In 34 test cases, there have been 30 amputees, 2 papercuts, one release, and one vivisection. These are not the results expected, but perhaps the demographic of utility workers is biased towards selfishness or devaluation of of human lives apart from their own.
Another test group might prove more interesting.
Are there any volunteers? If I cannot find new test subjects, I will have to use the remaining subjects in a second round. Perhaps now that they have had the opportunity to witness the Dilemma personally they will make better choices...
[click.]
The Prisoner's Dilemma is a classic philosophical problem. Two prisoners in separate rooms are asked to choose which of them is to suffer. If Prisoner A and Prisoner B each select themselves to suffer, they receive only mild cuts. If Prisoner A and Prisoner B each pick the same person - that is, A picks himself and B indicates A, or B picks herself and A indicates B, then the indicated prisoner is vivisected and the other goes free. If each prisoner indicates the other, both have a limb amputated - generally whichever appendage they display the most attachment to.
The psychological ramifications are fascinating.
In 34 test cases, there have been 30 amputees, 2 papercuts, one release, and one vivisection. These are not the results expected, but perhaps the demographic of utility workers is biased towards selfishness or devaluation of of human lives apart from their own.
Another test group might prove more interesting.
Are there any volunteers? If I cannot find new test subjects, I will have to use the remaining subjects in a second round. Perhaps now that they have had the opportunity to witness the Dilemma personally they will make better choices...
[click.]
Interesting. The decorations here all bear a strong resemblance to my apartment.
Tetora? Okaa-san? Kendra? Kamui? Ikari? Ayanami?Soryu?
I'm not answerable to anyone here, but also, the people who are important to me aren't here either. It's pleasant to be able to determine my own actions, but it also means that nothing I do has any sense of significance.
If this is 'a spark,' maybe I am less interested in them than I thought.
Tetora? Okaa-san? Kendra? Kamui? Ikari? Ayanami?
I'm not answerable to anyone here, but also, the people who are important to me aren't here either. It's pleasant to be able to determine my own actions, but it also means that nothing I do has any sense of significance.
If this is 'a spark,' maybe I am less interested in them than I thought.
Symposium.
Dec. 20th, 2009 01:45 amKamui-san... while the symbolism of the connection between human souls is very moving, perhaps we should make the effort to break the physical thread?
It's very encouraging to see that people have acknowledged the attachments between them and are unwilling to let a moment of casual contact dissolve those important bonds. However, certainly the metaphysical connection will remain even after the red string is severed.
It's very encouraging to see that people have acknowledged the attachments between them and are unwilling to let a moment of casual contact dissolve those important bonds. However, certainly the metaphysical connection will remain even after the red string is severed.
It's always fascinating to see the way that people respond to disaster. Whether natural or not, there's a pattern of behavior repeated on both the large scale and the small scale, foolish and ineffective for the most part, from the people risking their lives to say others to those who will sacrifice anything to stay safe. It seems to imply much about the essential nature of humanity, and the underlying order behind all behavior, with indidividuality stripped away to those basic patterns.
I suppose, if there were Eva here, that it might be my job to defend the city from the beings infecting it, but at the moment I cannot do anything effective on a meaningful scale. It's very interesting to watch, however.
I suppose, if there were Eva here, that it might be my job to defend the city from the beings infecting it, but at the moment I cannot do anything effective on a meaningful scale. It's very interesting to watch, however.
Now that my In-School Suspension is complete, I am supposed to apologize to my fellow students for my inappropriate behavior. I understand that it was wrong of me to do my science fair project on the study of genocide's effects on world hunger. Regardless of the positive effect for the environment and natural resources, since wars of extinction are not an acceptable solution, the ecological effectiveness of the approach is irrelevant. If anyone was upset by my presentation, illustrations, or diorama, I apologize especially to them as well.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Meditations on First Philosophy.
Nov. 13th, 2009 02:39 pmIt is very quiet and peaceful today - snow is falling, and the streets have already filled up. Shinji? Would you like to accompany Ayanami and myself to the zoo? We're going to let out all the animals.
[ooc: This is Kaworu's lovely dreamworld in which he, Shinji, and Rei are... pretty much the only people in existence. SO he won't be able to see anyone else commenting, as you all don't exist.]
[ooc: This is Kaworu's lovely dreamworld in which he, Shinji, and Rei are... pretty much the only people in existence. SO he won't be able to see anyone else commenting, as you all don't exist.]
Hipparchus.
Oct. 21st, 2009 07:50 pmI'm not sure of the appropriate way to announce this, however, if everyone would please refer to me from here on out as Kaworu Nishizono rather than Kaworu Nagisa, that would be appreciated. Mrs. Nishizono has just agreed to adopt me, after a fashion, and help provide me with the experience of a normal family.
Tetora, would it be appropriate for me to begin referring to you as Nii-san?
Tetora, would it be appropriate for me to begin referring to you as Nii-san?
My apartment is now completely furnished in "steampunk" style, as I was advised that it suited me. I'm not certain what it is supposed to express, however, or what characteristics of mine it represents, but regardless, it was necessary to buy furniture.
Watching the behavior of the city when under attack reminds me of Tokyo-3. It's a satisfying feeling to be able to go out and face enemies in ways that other people cannot - to be "special" again instead of dealing with the complicated emotions and reactions of other people. I wonder, is this why the others chose to pilot Eva? It's an easier way to gain acceptance - interacting with Souji-san's friends has been more rewarding and pleasant than anything else I have done in the city so far.
Even so... is it possible for me to change? For my essential characteristics - which do not seem to relate to my furniture in any way - to allow me to relate well to other people? Or is awkwardness a part of who I am rather than simply a handicap based on inexperience? I would find that almost as unpleasant as the experience of reliving my past last month was.
Watching the behavior of the city when under attack reminds me of Tokyo-3. It's a satisfying feeling to be able to go out and face enemies in ways that other people cannot - to be "special" again instead of dealing with the complicated emotions and reactions of other people. I wonder, is this why the others chose to pilot Eva? It's an easier way to gain acceptance - interacting with Souji-san's friends has been more rewarding and pleasant than anything else I have done in the city so far.
Even so... is it possible for me to change? For my essential characteristics - which do not seem to relate to my furniture in any way - to allow me to relate well to other people? Or is awkwardness a part of who I am rather than simply a handicap based on inexperience? I would find that almost as unpleasant as the experience of reliving my past last month was.
Those petty old men. Even now when they've chosen me, when it's nearly time, they still don't trust me to keep to their timetable. One night here, that's all, and then tomorrow... there will be one less train line feeding into this city.
I wish that I could talk to The Third again before it's too late. But I suppose, once Instrumentality is achieved, I'll be with him forever... and with First. There won't be any need for talking then. Everyone will understand me perfectly, and I will understand them. I'll achieve my purpose...
Everything will be better that way. No fear, no doubt, no loneliness, no loss... it's so foolish of them to have been fighting against this all along, and doubly foolish for Ikari Gendo-san to think he could really get his own way. It's a little disappointing, that I'll have to share existence with someone like that as well... that I can't choose a world that would leave him out. It's things like the pain and damage he has caused that are at the heart of why this must be done... I'm sure Third would agree, if I could explain it to him.
I wonder. Within Instrumentality, will I still be 'me?' Will I exist, or will I be subsumed by Adam before it all?
That might not be so bad, either. Whichever way it happens, I'll be done with all of this.
What makes people fight to maintain an existence like this?
I wish that I could talk to The Third again before it's too late. But I suppose, once Instrumentality is achieved, I'll be with him forever... and with First. There won't be any need for talking then. Everyone will understand me perfectly, and I will understand them. I'll achieve my purpose...
Everything will be better that way. No fear, no doubt, no loneliness, no loss... it's so foolish of them to have been fighting against this all along, and doubly foolish for Ikari Gendo-san to think he could really get his own way. It's a little disappointing, that I'll have to share existence with someone like that as well... that I can't choose a world that would leave him out. It's things like the pain and damage he has caused that are at the heart of why this must be done... I'm sure Third would agree, if I could explain it to him.
I wonder. Within Instrumentality, will I still be 'me?' Will I exist, or will I be subsumed by Adam before it all?
That might not be so bad, either. Whichever way it happens, I'll be done with all of this.
What makes people fight to maintain an existence like this?
Charmides.
Sep. 18th, 2009 02:58 pmThe past several days have been particularly edifying, although I still have not found an opportunity to go shopping.
Ikari, I'm very glad to have you back. I hope you are feeling well now.
Souji-sempai, Minato-san, everyone, I'm grateful for the opportunity to have accompanied you all. Even if there isn't another reoccurance of this phenomenon, I would still hope to spend time with all of you.
Asuka-san... despite our differences, I think we made a very good team.
Ikari, I'm very glad to have you back. I hope you are feeling well now.
Souji-sempai, Minato-san, everyone, I'm grateful for the opportunity to have accompanied you all. Even if there isn't another reoccurance of this phenomenon, I would still hope to spend time with all of you.
Asuka-san... despite our differences, I think we made a very good team.
This apartment is very empty. I suppose it's possible to think of it as a blank slate that I could decorate to declare and establish my identity, but the truth is that I don't know very much about possessions or decorations.
The boy who is staying with me needs more clothing as well. Mine doesn't fit him.
We need to go shopping.
Would a girl with an advanced sense of aesthetics like to accompany us?
Asuka-san, would you meet those qualifications?
The boy who is staying with me needs more clothing as well. Mine doesn't fit him.
We need to go shopping.
Would a girl with an advanced sense of aesthetics like to accompany us?
Asuka-san, would you meet those qualifications?
That was an unexpected experience.
I suppose that the appropriate thing do in a situation like this is to introduce myself; very well. I am called Kaworu Nagisa. I am fifteen years old. I enjoy piano music and spending time by the water. I will be staying in this city indefinitely. According to my teammates, I am 'unliked,' 'filthy,' and 'weird.' It seems I have some difficulty adapting to new circumstances, so I hope that you will have patience with me and correct my errors.
If you would introduce yourselves to me, I would be very interested in learning more about all of you. 'Being around people' is one of the circumstances I have yet to adjust to.
I suppose that the appropriate thing do in a situation like this is to introduce myself; very well. I am called Kaworu Nagisa. I am fifteen years old. I enjoy piano music and spending time by the water. I will be staying in this city indefinitely. According to my teammates, I am 'unliked,' 'filthy,' and 'weird.' It seems I have some difficulty adapting to new circumstances, so I hope that you will have patience with me and correct my errors.
If you would introduce yourselves to me, I would be very interested in learning more about all of you. 'Being around people' is one of the circumstances I have yet to adjust to.
